^ the Influence.

So I think I've gotten some sense knocked into my hard-headed brain.. What a surprise, huh. No but seriously, Quyen and I were talking about how pathetic we feel when it comes to having fun. And NO, I don't mean we're lame party-people. I mean like.. the definition of "fun" for us is seriously distorted. People's perception of fun is fucked up. Smoking, drinking, blazing, partying, rolling: that's fun to them. Man, I am over this! If that is what teenagers call fun, then I'd rather be dead. What happened to weekend escapades to beach, group dinners, having clean fun? I duno man, I was talking to Daniel the other day and it's people like him we lack in our teenager world. Even Perry; I wish I was still in Jersey and could kick it with him and have clean fun. Shit.
Now, I'm not saying I don't want to have "fun." High school years, gotta live it up cuhs you only have it once. But what to do, what to do?

Plans:
Go to SGV with the girls.
Go to LACMA.
Eat at Lucille's with everrrrybody.
Have fun @ DCON 2010!
Get inked up.
Get pierced up.
Go to Auntie Yang's & Volunteer.
Talk to women and children at a battered shelter.

Lucy.<--- No future.

Honestly, this whole school business is killing me. I lack motivation and the drive to succeed in school. Temptations, distractions burden my mind, and I push all the educational work away to the side. I neglect my tests, abandon chances of getting good grades, and obliterate my own future. Seriously, I might be the only one who will get by high school putting the least amount of effort and soul into schoolwork. Which is sad.

I dare you to inspire me.

Remember me Always.

Well, being that I live in California, the most prone area for earthquakes, wildfires, and such, I will plan my funeral right here, right now. You know, I like to leave messages/secrets for people to find when I leave, fyi. Don't think I would leave earth one day, leaving nothing behind.
My funeral would be a celebration of my life, not a mourning gathering. Songs like : "Iris"- Goo Goo Dolls, "If You Want Me to"- Ginny Owens, should be played. And uhhhh I forget what else I should add. Kbye.

Weird...

Something's not right... It's not normal for someone to feel nothing. I can't exactly put my finger on it so it's hard to explain. I guess what they call me is true: I am heartless. I feel no emotion for anything anymore, but sometimes I get random splurges of anguish, regret, emptiness? God damn it, it's so weird. I feel fine though.
Just wanted to share with whoever's reading this, whoever cares.

It ended with a crash.

I'm bruised- face, arm, leg, back. It only hurts on the outside, but nothing can pierce my interior.

The rents: Who do you love?
Me: My friends.
The rents: Why?
Me: Because I feel love back.
The rents: What is love?
Me: Something I will never have for you two.

Acted too soon.

Fuck fuck fuckity fuck.
As of today, I no longer part of that "family." Well, it never really was one. But oh welllllllls. I don't give a fuckkkkkkkkkkk dude.
Some people die too late, so hurry up and go die. I shoulda killed you when I had the chance. Kthanksbyeeeee.

Paradise is your Home.

So karma came to bit me in the ass; it always does. I was offered freedom in exchange for my sacrifice of being with family. Being the cold-hearted bitch that I am, I chose to stay home alone and hopefully have some winter-break-partying without worrying about parents and the brother ratting me out.

Well I got just what I wanted, but ain't no cure in the whole damn world that would heal my pain. No remedy in the world that exists that would heal my regret. They said I would regret my decision. I was selfish and ignored that. I only thought of the present and neglected the future.
I am going to Hell for this.

Resting in Paradise.
GMa.
12/25/09.