Lacking Inspiration.

Wrap me in a straightjacket,

Poison me,

Dispose of me.

I am absolutely going crazy. I feel so lost and so unimportant in this society; I can imagine myself drowning in the vast ocean during midnight, and noone to even notice it. I am miserable.

Judgment.

 It's as if the world existed to judge, and I was the one being judged.

You what if feels like to be looked down upon, seen as the invalid? Others sneering at you, your interests, your being? Family friends think of you as the one that's bound to get nowhere in life? No, no. Not you, you got it good. You don't have it like me; you don't know what it's like to be stepped upon and thrown off to the side. You probably got some notable talent, or a simple skill that sets you apart from the others. 

So, what do I have?

I got nothing special, nothing worth noticing. The only things people notice are my bad traits and stupid things I do. I think I'm the epitome of fail in the eyes of these motherfuckers. People refer to me whenever they want to feel better about themselves, but I, obviously, just make the standards a lot lower. I don't have any talent to display, any ability to show off, or intelligence to blow your mind away. 

True, I'm just your average no-good-influence girl who gets kicked to the gutter. But did you really have to put me down, and get yourself involved in my life, which you know no part of? Get the fuck out and try not to disturb me again.

The whole world is out to get me. Come and get me bitches, and tear me down. As if I haven't had enough of your torture.

Surprise Me.

Jay-Z & Alica Keyes- Empire State of Mind.

Just an update quickie..
School has been sorta stressful, I honestly don't know how I'm going to pull through. I lack motivation, so please. If you can, inspire me.
Family isn't a super big issue, although I must say, the term family is sort of controversial in this house. What defines a family? Oh. We wouldn't know.
Friends. Still here! You people know who you beeee.

10/23/09: School was great today. We had an extended lunch schedule (score!): shorter classes, and Clubapalooza. I love KIWIN'S. We did great at the sale! Then after school, TOTALLY unexpected. But Quyen had an "emergency," shushed me away with her to stall time, and Alyssa rallying up and preparing. As we came back, I saw a line of Asian guys lined up with a sign.. Being the person with horrible vision, I didn't recognize them, so I walked to the side. As I approached closer, thinking that they were asking someone else, I saw Josh, and realized. Hahha, yay. (= Homecoming 09, how exciting! Quyen and I have included that the theme for this year is: Unpredictable. Because seriously, who would have thought that the people who are going this year, are going with their dates?! And those who haven't been asked are left?! Man, this year's homecoming is full of surprises. And my first year with a date. And going with Quyen. Totally ridick, with a dick.

LoveSick.

Common Market- Nina Sing

Being sick is horrible.

So I still go on myspace.. /eyeheartlucy get at me! I keep on seeing these bulletins girls post up of "oh I want a guy like this..." blah blah blah bullshit. I'm going to make a list of characteristics I want my future guy to do, that's more related to me.

I want a guy who would make me feel safe, meaning he has to be tall and big. (= None of them scrawny motherfuckers who are my height. I want a guy who doesn't have to dress fresh, but gotta have some sort of steeez. I want a guy who respects hip-hop. This guy I'm talking about don't gotta be rich, hell no. As long as he can support himself with the resources around him, sall good. A guy who has common sense. We'll take crazy roadtrips during the weekends. My man can't make me feel bad about myself. He gotta be respectful and have common courtesy. Shit, too bad that ain't you!

VIP/RIP

So lately I've been "hating" a lot. Not just one person, but people, things, places. But don't forget, this Lucy monster still loves too!

VIP:
LC.QT.AT.DZ.CP.SJ.AH.CL.HY.HB.KV.KL.SA.MA.GZ.CQ.AP.HH. ++

RIP:
SK.M.PP.S.SAT.BP.OSS.MMS.++




Bitch.
Don't fuck with me.

Shine that Light on Me.

Well, Summer ended not too long ago. Honestly, to sum it up, all I really got out of Summer was hard-work, homework, entrance into pre-calc, new friendships, anger, hatred, betrayal, laziness, and loneliness. The rents came back from China not too long ago; I yearn for the freedom in China: the partying, clubbing, bar-hopping, piercings, tattoos, hookahs, smoking, drinking, being "20." I did miss my mom a lot, my dad, not so much, being that he's away a lot anyway. Them being home, limits me from just being a bum around the house. I'm not going to let them interfere with my focusing now that they're back.

Oh yes, school. The treaded topic of a teenager's life. The "mid-life crisis" for us teenagers would have to be the reputation we hold, the grades we achieve and maintain, the crowd we're in. However, I was lost on my path to success back in the first half of Sophomore year (not ready to go into detail about that), I need to redeem myself. They say I still have a chance for getting into a UC school, the main door I'm striving for. Thus, meaning I need to step it up. I'm not going to let myself crash and burn on this second opportunity I was given, that's just stupid. So.. for the amusement for you as my reader, and embarassment of me.. ladies and gentlemen. The grades I'm working for:
Honors Chem: A-. You've gotta be shitting me if I get a B in this class I already took.
AP Chinese: A++++++ NIGGA!
English3: A. Really now..
AP Art History: Uh.. B, if I try ahha. This class is way intense for me.
Pre-Calc: A-. If not, then B+.
Off Season: A/B if I ditch ahhaha.
Lacrosse: I was sure I'd be center this year, but now that we have new coaches, and new promising players, I'm not so sure if I'll stay center anymore. Fack competition.

SO.. I really could get a 3.8-4.4, if I really tried. My mission is to dominate Junior year. I know I'll start losing optimisism after a while, but hey. It's not a bad thing to start the school year off with a positive mentality, right?

Rough Around the Edges Makes it Sharp.

Saturday, oh where do I start?
Well, first off. Elite sucked. Even though I couldn't sleep at night, I still managed to wake up at 7:22AM beautifully. I later found out how crummy my teachers are, and just how terrible Saturdays at Elite are. They attempt to cram quizzes, homework, exercises, and test review all into one little class session. So fail.

After that little inferno of my day passed, I was pumped to go to Music Speaks with Quyen! Let me tell you, I had an amazing time. Even though I had an allergy attack while getting ready, and super drained and tired, I still was able to enjoy myself in the atmosphere of talent. AJ Rafael, Cathy Nguyen, Mike, the Adrian William Project- Andrew Garcia, Frank Hagen, Jane Lui, Jennifer Chung, Passion, JR Aquino, Melissa Polinar, just to name a few. I am in utter disbelief that I would ever find myself in the same twenty feet radius from them, which I was! Although I do regret not popping an advil or tylenol before leaving the house, I still was starstruck and enjoyed every moment of listening to their talent spilling on us. The fact that the entire event was put forth for Autism, is touching and moving. Just.. stunning.