Lucy.<--- No future.

Honestly, this whole school business is killing me. I lack motivation and the drive to succeed in school. Temptations, distractions burden my mind, and I push all the educational work away to the side. I neglect my tests, abandon chances of getting good grades, and obliterate my own future. Seriously, I might be the only one who will get by high school putting the least amount of effort and soul into schoolwork. Which is sad.

I dare you to inspire me.

Remember me Always.

Well, being that I live in California, the most prone area for earthquakes, wildfires, and such, I will plan my funeral right here, right now. You know, I like to leave messages/secrets for people to find when I leave, fyi. Don't think I would leave earth one day, leaving nothing behind.
My funeral would be a celebration of my life, not a mourning gathering. Songs like : "Iris"- Goo Goo Dolls, "If You Want Me to"- Ginny Owens, should be played. And uhhhh I forget what else I should add. Kbye.

Weird...

Something's not right... It's not normal for someone to feel nothing. I can't exactly put my finger on it so it's hard to explain. I guess what they call me is true: I am heartless. I feel no emotion for anything anymore, but sometimes I get random splurges of anguish, regret, emptiness? God damn it, it's so weird. I feel fine though.
Just wanted to share with whoever's reading this, whoever cares.

It ended with a crash.

I'm bruised- face, arm, leg, back. It only hurts on the outside, but nothing can pierce my interior.

The rents: Who do you love?
Me: My friends.
The rents: Why?
Me: Because I feel love back.
The rents: What is love?
Me: Something I will never have for you two.

Acted too soon.

Fuck fuck fuckity fuck.
As of today, I no longer part of that "family." Well, it never really was one. But oh welllllllls. I don't give a fuckkkkkkkkkkk dude.
Some people die too late, so hurry up and go die. I shoulda killed you when I had the chance. Kthanksbyeeeee.

Paradise is your Home.

So karma came to bit me in the ass; it always does. I was offered freedom in exchange for my sacrifice of being with family. Being the cold-hearted bitch that I am, I chose to stay home alone and hopefully have some winter-break-partying without worrying about parents and the brother ratting me out.

Well I got just what I wanted, but ain't no cure in the whole damn world that would heal my pain. No remedy in the world that exists that would heal my regret. They said I would regret my decision. I was selfish and ignored that. I only thought of the present and neglected the future.
I am going to Hell for this.

Resting in Paradise.
GMa.
12/25/09.

Crime & Punishment.

God is punishing me for neglecting you, grandma. And I am sorry. It's times like these when reality really hits, and you don't give a flying fuck about anything in the whole world aside from your blood-related kin. I don't know what to do; I call this my second huge life crisis. Time and God are going against me, and beating me to to clock.