You don't really know what you got until it's (almost) gone.

What is life? Ahh, the most universal philosophical question we ask ourselves. What's the answer then? Why do we question ourselves? To seek answers to those questions, I suppose. But how can you answer those questions when no answer is definite.
How do we feel? The emotions our mind controls, how do you control them? How do you allow them to turn on/off? When does our mind allow us to feel the emotions we should feel at a specific given time?

Relating to that prelude, I need help getting those answers.
They call me a cold-hearted, heartless animal. And I totally understand where they got that generalization from. My merely hopeless come-back: I just think realistically.
But my realistic points of view failed me today. GMa been diagnosed with liver cancer. I honestly did not know how to respond to that. For one, I've always welcomed death with open arms (Holy Sonnet 10, John Donne). Honestly, if everyone ends up dying sooner or later, then why are we so scared? You wind up being with your loved ones, reunited in the spiritual worlds that supposedly exist. God wanted His angel back.
Anywho, I am confused. How should I go about feeling? Feeling those nonexistant feelings, that is. What is it should I feel? Misery, anguish, depression, hopeful? I only feel jumbled: Overdosed of feelings. I feel confused, sad, upset, empty, full; I still feel emotionless, not alive but still breathing.

I can only imagine what my dad would feel.. he has yet to find out. Lack of displaying emotion kind of runs in the family.
Though I must admit I'm not exactly religious, I ask you to pray for our already crumbling family. Please?